It took me a good few weeks to allow myself to write down about my latest illustration project, to reconnect with the reasons behind a very personal but surely universal representation of what progress can do. Progress because of determination. Determination because of passion. Passion because of love. Love because it’s included in the base package of all human being.
Indeed, I need a sense of progress in whatever I experience. Learning a skill, growing a relationship, training for a race, writing a song, building up an illustration, cooking a recipe, creating anything out of nothing. It just feels right. I’ve got it. This is what I called once my sexy routine.
However this is difficult for me to put words around that bear turning swimmer because it is based on wordless feelings. Feelings of a misunderstanding I’ve experienced at some point and that got me stuck into a cloudy mountain of dizziness. I’ve never got that hairy but it made me feel angry loosing control and not understanding why. Stuck with not a clue if I’ll be able to progress again. That’s when endurance came handy.
Because my sexy routine wasn’t available anymore I had to turn to a non-sexy routine to fight my way through a new lane to follow. I was still not understanding, I was still angry, but I knew that it was the only thing I should do. And I did do it over and over again until it felt like I was able to take control again. And, finally, I understood that my anxiety disorder was a great opportunity to learn a new skill. So instead of rejecting it, I took this thing on board and added it to my routine – the non-sexy one. Sadly, it didn’t want to stay. So I shaved my hairy body and went for a swim (fiction).
On the illustration side of things I took a very difficult decision half-way through this project of letting go of lines so what could have ended up like that:
Turned into that:
After starting like that: